Updates/I’m Back

Hello. Greetings. It’s been a while. I have many posts saved in draft form that are currently in the works, and I’m glad to be back and publishing posts. I’ve missed writing. It helps clear my head and make sense of often overwhelming, muddled thoughts. It makes me feel less crazy to take often-unformed thoughts like amorphous clouds drifting through my head and nail them down on paper (or the Internet, as it were) to examine more clearly in the form of words with sentence structure and subject-verb agreement and direct objects and ORGANIZATION. And to be able to share things with my blogging audience I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing with those I know personally.

Early 2020 for me has not been very different than late 2019. I’m still working the same job, although I currently work from home because…

…we are now in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. This is what happens when I leave my blog for a few months (bad joke, I know…). I hope everybody is staying healthy and sane while we all try to live as self-contained as possible to avoid catching and spreading this virus. I think the hardest part right now is the uncertainty of when the danger will end and when we will all be able to go back to living normally. I have always felt that I could bear just about anything as long as I know when it will be over. At the sane time, I feel thankful to still be well when many others are currently fighting for their lives. Still, my introversion is being put to the test…

I wish I could at least say my weight-loss journey is going well, but, to be honest, it’s gone anything but. I seem to have no inner motivation for it and, in fact, it seems my concentrating on it and giving it attention only makes me desire to do the complete opposite — as though my public commitment to lose weight only served to heighten my anxiety over the topic, resulting in weight gain. I have noticed worse pain than ever in both knees, especially when going up stairs. I know I need to lose weight more now than ever during this pandemic. I already struggle with shortness of breath. My weight could be the difference between my living or dying if I were to catch this respiratory virus. At the same time, quarantining has me feeling I’m in a holding pattern and causing heightened anxiety and uncertainty, overshadowing the importance of self-improvement goals like weight loss. It doesn’t help that today I’ve been having technical difficulties with my work, which caused an additional level of frustration, exhaustion, and depression — a state that always has me running to food for comfort. At this point, I’m beginning to feel ambivalent…

I’m glad I’m back and writing again. I feel the most “me” when I am writing. More centered, grounded, and calm. So thanks for having me back and let’s wish each other good luck and strength to get us all through.

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