Welcome, and thanks for stopping by! I feel drawn to having an outlet for myself to write about things that interest, bother, confuse, or inspire me. I wrote many short stories and letters as a child, kept a diary as a teenager, and have written several poems, as well. I find writing cathartic, and it’s one of the few things I believe I do with some level of skill (but that’s for you to decide). My blog topics will most likely be varied and a bit “all over the place”. I hope you enjoy the content and can relate or at least get a chuckle every once in a while out of my latest writing project. If no one reads my blog, it will just be an online journal, which is fine, as well. Regardless, I am going to strive to be as honest as possible and only write what’s on my mind and heart. Ttys!
I’ve been thinking about how often we use someone’s popularity to ascribe to them the level of worth we believe they deserve. I very much believe “personal” references requested by employers are an example of this. “Are you ‘normal?’ Do you have friends? Are you likable? Will you fit in? Will you laugh at our jokes?”
As I have gotten older I find it harder to make and maintain friendships. I prioritize similar values much more highly than other traits and characteristics, such as similar hobbies, appearance, or even personality. I also suffer from social and generalized anxiety.
I witness, often with envy and confusion, people for whom I have very little respect who seemingly have lots of people in their lives. It’s important to remind myself their friend count says nothing more about them than that they either have shallow relationships, where others are more acquaintances than friends, or they are simply good manipulators. I call these people “the losers who keep winning,” because the only way they can be close to others is by masking their true selves.
Do you struggle with making or keeping friends and perhaps relate to some of what I’ve written here? I would love to hear others’ thoughts on this topic.
Does it depress anybody else to think about the fact there is no way to completely stop supporting end-stage capitalism/corporatism? That often your values contradict each other, creating a catch-22 situation? Take floss as an example. I’m picking floss because it’s a basic need that can’t easily be substituted. If I buy it locally and inexpensively, it most likely will be from a big corporation like Walmart, who receives corporate welfare from tax payers and sells cheap and low-quality items made by people working in horrible conditions. If I buy it locally from a small-scale seller, it will most likely be overpriced, and unfortunately, I’m not in the place financially where money isn’t an issue. If I buy it from a small-scale seller online, it might be cheaper, but also leave a much bigger footprint, packaged in cardboard and plastic, shipped to me via dirty fuel sources such as a plane, truck, or train. I could buy a bunch of floss at one time so less packaging is used for shipping, but then I’d be cluttering my home with excess items, belying my desire for clean, minimalistic spaces. So how do I faithfully adhere to fighting corporate greed, not overspending, and being eco-conscious? It feels impossible. I don’t know what the answer is. And now I’m realizing I’m writing this post using a smart phone which was probably made using resources pillaged from developing countries and perhaps even using child labor. And “do my best” just feels hollow. It makes me feel weak, unintelligent, and unresourceful. I end up quickly becoming discouraged and saying, “You know what, screw it. I’ll do what’s easiest.” Does anybody else feel the same way, and how do you find peace with the decisions you make and the ways you order your priorities?
Here are some things that annoy me about the interviewing process:
Asking for your expected rate of pay when the pay rate is already clearly stated in the job description, instead of saying, “So is $x/hour okay with you?”
Rescheduling interviews or not showing up for an interview — this makes them seem disorganized and rude, and a job candidate would never get away with it.
Asking my current salary — this should have nothing to do with how much they will pay me for the new position, including the new duties I will take on and the experience I will be bringing with me. Also, it further hurts those who have crappy employers who never give raises. I’m glad to see some states have outlawed this practice, and I hope it spreads.
Not knowing whether to say I want to move up or not — some employers see ambition in a low-level employee as threatening. They worry you will want their job or will not be content in the entry-level role for which they hire you. Other employers want to hear that you are looking to stay with the company and are excited about promotions.
Asking you why you want to leave current position or why you’ve left a past position— This is yet another possible minefield. Many people leave bad bosses/managers, not necessarily bad jobs. You’re never supposed to speak negatively about a former boss, so it’s basically backing you into a corner where you’re forced to lie.
Not telling me the next steps — It’s not fun to have to guess whether they are still interested in you or how many more interviews they will be in the hiring process. You might have gotten offers from other employers in the meantime and don’t know how much time you have to make a decision.
What are some issues that annoy you about the interviewing process or job searching, in general?
I know I’ve written about boundaries before. I feel it’s such an important topic. Having strong, healthy boundaries is often the difference between staying true to yourself or going “whichever way the wind blows.” There are many different types of boundaries.
Physical boundaries can include who you let in your home or who you let touch you. Time boundaries determine how much time you’re willing to spend on a given activity. We all only have so much time and in order to decide how to spend it, some things must be sacrificed. Emotional boundaries can include not spending time around toxic people or limiting the amount of time you spend around them. It can also include protecting yourself from triggers. Sexual boundaries include determining which sexual activities you engage in, when, where, and with whom. Financial boundaries can include not spending more than a certain amount on eating out monthly, requiring a certain salary before accepting a job, or not loaning money. Material boundaries can include not owning a lot of stuff, minimizing stuff so that it doesn’t create an unnecessary burden or so that your priorities do not become skewed. Intellectual boundaries can include refusal to believe something without evidence or not holding a certain position just because your friends and family do.
I often have trouble with striking a balance and maintaining healthy, not rigid or porous boundaries — speaking up for myself and saying “no” when need be, while allowing wiggle room for exceptions. But I am working on it.
Stop trying to “find out who you are.” This expression is overly dramatic, as well as scary, in my opinion. To be disconnected from yourself is a terrifying feeling. In reality, you already have yourself. You do not need to find yourself. You are yourself. Spend time in nature and stay busy doing the things you enjoy, and you will learn more about yourself in the process. This is what I have been doing recently and it’s started to pay off. I feel like I am creating myself little by little, and the puzzle pieces have started falling in place. How are you creating yourself?
I don’t believe in the concept of “soulmates.”I think about how many people have multiple happy marriages and how many people agonize over not finding “the One.” I believe you’re lucky to find someone who aligns with your values and your personality, and who understands how to engage in healthy conflict. The idea of “soulmates” seems metaphysical and borne of religion. You can go your entire life wondering if your partner is “the One” without appreciating them for who they are and how they complement your life. Not feeling as though you’ve met your “soulmate”, you’re bound to feel like a failure. Does anybody else agree or have a different perspective they’d like to share?
I’ve been thinking a lot about the privilege you must have to be open and honest with your thoughts in this society. My privilege allows me to say things I otherwise wouldn’t. For example, I don’t have children to think about, and I have financial support from my family. Because of that support, I feel more comfortable taking risks at my job and speaking up when I feel something is not right or when I need to defend myself. Not having any kind of social safety net, especially with children depending on me, allows me more leeway. I think of people who stay in the same miserable job for years, even decades, and do not extricate themselves due to it being too risky. The fear of the unknown, for them, is greater than the fear of wasting their lives in misery. What are your thoughts?
I’ve been thinking about subconscious influence and how it covertly affects the decisions I make. For example, for those of you who wear make-up, do you ever ask yourselves why you wear it? I started wearing make-up as a teenager to hide acne and redness. I continued to wear it regularly throughout my early 20’s. I didn’t necessarily see it as fun or as creative expression. I felt I had to wear it to be socially acceptable. I think a lot of women believe it is their own choice to wear make-up without realizing our choices and preferences are not created in a vacuum. Even if we don’t realize it, we are subconsciously being pushed towards certain values and standards and away from others. It’s just something I try to be aware of. Today, I wear lip color from time to time when I feel like it but no face make-up. I don’t like the feeling I am wearing a mask or covering up my own skin. Make-up has also started to irritate my eyes and skin and I just don’t really have the motivation to try mineral make-up. The older I get, the less I care about such things. When it comes to other issues, whether it be my hair, jewelry, the clothes and shoes I wear, or something else, I try to think critically about why I make the choices o make and if they are internally or externally- motivated. What are your thoughts on this topic?
Is anybody else ever saddened by the fact that by the choices you make and opportunities you take, you’re by default losing out on other choices and opportunities? That it’s impossible to live in or even visit all the countries that exist, meet people from every cultural group (some countries having a very large number of subcultures), learn all the world’s languages, work all the types of jobs you want to try out, take all the courses you want to take, obtain an in-depth knowledge of all the topics that interest you, have all the experiences you want? To me, this realization is crushing.
Has anyone else decided they’re basically refusing to return to an office to do work that can easily be done at home? I currently work at home due to Covid, but they’re talking about bringing us back into the site this summer. We have all successfully been working at home since March/April 2020, and it’s patently obvious now that a job site is not needed for this type of work. I have recently been applying to only permanently-remote positions. I really hope that one positive thing to come out of Covid is employers feeling intense pressure to offer remote jobs in situations where the kind of work done can easily be done remotely. There are so many perks to working from home, and I must say I feel it’s spiteful to require us to return to the site just because it’s traditionally been done that way, especially when the higher-ups making these decisions probably get to do most of their work from home, anyway. I’ve also noticed that the people saying they want to return talk about being lonely and wanting the opportunity to socialize. I feel like they should be the only ones who return, not those of us who are thriving and doing a good job working from home and do not see our jobs as necessary to meet our socialization and emotional needs.